Who Spreads COVID-19 In Nigeria?


It is not only contained in Jennifer’s Diary, the date Nigeria recorded her kooro (hidden) virus victim (COVID-19). Well, the date is for historians to keep at the back of their minds, if only they have one.

The first person infected was an innocent youngly old man with no intention whatsoever to spread the virus. He didn’t even spread it. He merely harbored it, till it dissipated or dissolved. Yes, you heard right, it dissolved.

He’s not rich or wealthy nor does he have more than seven houses. For the betterment of the country, he went on a pilgrimage to other countries. What a fine young man. He represents our country with his handsomeness and potbelly. Who’d not believe there are handsome pot-bellies in this country? Not in any of the four cardinal points! But he makes sure of that for he is a patriotic citizen.

Someone says “sorrow is okay” is our situationship with COVID-19 as cases became fewer amidst Soro Soke procession. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, we began gathering many figures—figures meant to represent our confirmed COVID-19 cases. While we also gave and still give instantaneous healing to victims. Nobody dares ask how the victims become heal. Who’d believe that a country with no sufficient medical facility could treat a virus the Chinese and Yankees couldn’t? It’s unbelievable. But nothing is impossible in our miraculous patriotic country!

But, who are those that actually spread the virus? You know, I totally miscomprehend the situationship. I totally forget we are all Nigerians.

Unequivocally, I thought of those with airplanes, jets and helicopter tickets and receipts. Those with holiday tickets to Dubai and France and then Germany. Those with T-shirt embossed with “USA”. Those with a silvery golden tooth. Those with receipts from restaurants which name I can’t spell correctly with my black fingers. I even thought of patriots who represent the patriotic country, were those who began and spread the virus. I was so wrong!

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Now to the climax. I have been indulged in the Nigerian river, and my ignorance has been washed off by wise social media anchors and Professors in virology. So, I came to the understanding that those who actually began and spread the virus are:

Students in their local unconducive schools, who have never left the country by a mistake. Consequently, their school gates had to be unanimously and unanonymously locked for ten months or so. They are meant to remain in their house-beds till they are totally cleansed and washed by the blood of the lamb. No offense taken or meant. It is for the good of the patriotic country. The only patriots in the country keep yelling and unpatriotic ones are left in the lurch.

Churchgoers and mosquegoers. Especially, when they spend more than thirty minutes worshipping their God. That is too much time for a deity, but not enough for a Senate proceeding where an hour is for sleeping and the other hours to whine—wine and dine on national cake. Consequently, churches and mosques had to remain shut. Of course, no one contacts the virus within fifteen minutes!

Others are market women and market men. Although, they know nothing about financial markets, bulls or bears, and have never been to wall street, their markets had to be shut down or their curfew raised to 04:00PM GMT. The virus cannot endure the light of the day, it is nocturnal!

Lest I forget, the virus cannot saunter into bars, burial ceremonies or occasions of notable nobles of the patriotic country and election campaigns. COVID-19 understands when people sing elegies and dirgies but do not understand lullabies of schoolboys in school.

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Now, you know those who spread COVID-19 in Nigeria. Please, stop accusing the innocent. I have stopped this moment too. Take responsibilities; stay at home, stay alive, stay safe. Not until MTN and others ring it into your ears daily that you must be crowded in a place for your NIN registration!

© Samuel Ogunbadeniyi

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